Ballad's Guilt Part six
by Balladisabitch
Summary: Ballad finally gives in.


"you little bitch!"

"you dumb ass!"

"you are so selfish!"

"you piece of shit!"

"I can't believe what I'm looking at!"

"I can't belive you are my kid!"

"I should've beaten you!"

"cunt!"

"fucker!"

"back stabbing bitch!"

"two faced!"

"you ass wipe!"

"fuck you!"

"you litte bastard!"

"traitor!"

"liar!"

"disrespectful bitch!"

"abuser!"

"I was selfish for bringing you into this world!"

"you're an idiot!"

"selfish! so selfish!"

"fuck you AND your friends!"

"bully!"

"bitch!"

"slut!"

"whore!"

"face me like a God damn man!"

"LOOK at me while I'm talking to you! it irritates me!"

"stupid idiot!"

"I REGRET EVER BRINGING YOU HERE YOU LITTLE DISRESPECTFUL LYING ABUSING BITCH!"

Ballad woke up crying.

These were the voices of her family... BALLAD'S family... mainly her mother speaking to her.

After her privacy was violated, Ballad's hatred towards her family, mostly her mother, had grown stronger.

Ballad also KNEW she had destroyed the life of another friend of hers, which she felt absolutely horrible about... and literally cried from guilt.

She wanted to apologize... but one of her sisters stole and hid her phone from her as "punishment".

Ballad also KNEW her new friends missed her, even though it hasn't even been a week yet. Causing Ballad to feel such guilt... feeling like somehow...

All of this WAS her fault.

She wanted to start over, but she knew she couldn't.

Ballad lost all her friends... just like how she lost... HIM.

Ballad's stomach was still messed up from all the chaos that happened that day. Endless crying, strong and high fevers, nausea, sweating, shaking, and a bunch of emotional pain.

After looking at her pill case and pouring her daily meds in her palm, she just stared at them. Hands all sweaty. She sighed, she REALLY didn't want to take them. But she HAD to. By force.

After taking the medication she sat on her bed, feeling emotionally sick... but as she sat down...

Her thighs... no... the BOTH OF HER ENTIRE LEGS were hurting... but... a... "sharp" sort of hurting. Ballad's eyes widened in shock, looking around the room... she saw...

The box cutter...

It was right in front of her...

On her desk...

Ballad almost threw up and felt absolutely sick to her stomach. There was only one way to find out...

She pulled the sleeves to her shorts up...

and...

There they were...

New cuts and scars.

This time... ALL over the BOTH of her legs. From her thighs almost all the way down to her knees. There were long and short, blood stained, red, this time, SUPER deep and fresh cuts... TOO fresh... as if these cuts were made only HOURS ago. They were EVERYWHERE. It was absolutely horrifying to Ballad. She immediatley started to break down, nose beginning to bleed, both hands on head, pulling her own hair in shock and distress. She threw up a little.

"HOW?!" Ballad thought.

"I don't even remember..." She spoke but suddenly stopped as she felt the presence of something besides her.

"Why didn't you continue...? We were so close..." the girl said in such disapointment, placing her hand on her face.

"I... what do you..." Ballad suddenly stopped talking as she had a flashback from the night before.

She remembered now.

After the huge turmoil that had happened between her, her family, AND her friends the night before, Ballad was so distressed that she finally gave in to the hallucinations. She could no longer stand it so she got the sharpest edge of the cutter and hacked away at her own skin. She remembered how great it felt. How soothing it feels. Even through the crying and blood and stinging... it STILL felt amazing... it made her feel calm. She remembered being so close to giving in, that she placed the box cutter on her throat, and was ready to stab and cut it, but ended up passing out from exhaustion before she could even do it.

Ballad gasped in shock and disbelief.

"We were all so close... so close to ending it all..." the girl said with disappointment in her voice.

"I know..." Ballad sighed... but... sighing in a disappointed way... as if she WANTED to succeed into doing it.

Suicide.

"Then why did you stop...?" the girl asked.

"I... don't... know... I..." Ballad paused and cried.

"It's because you're a coward." the girl said in an angry tone.

Ballad looked at her with sullen eyes. Then closing them slowly. Turning her head slowly towards the front of her entire room. Opening them slowly, only to see the girl sitting in front of her, arms crossed, annoyed expression, just looking at her, causing Ballad to jump a little.

"Well...?" the girl asked.

"I... don't know what will happen to me... to us... afterwards..." Ballad tried holding back tears.

The girl rolled her eyes.

"What do YOU THINK will happen?!" she 'asked' sarcastically.

"You KNOW EXACTLY what will happen!" Ballad yelled back.

She got up and turned away from the girl.

"It'll be over... for all of us... we won't be forgiven... we won't go to heaven... we WON'T see THEM again..." Ballad said almost crying, knowing that her God is in fact VERY angry with her.

(yes I am Christian. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT!).

"We won't get the happiness we want..." Ballad closed her eyes, with a morose expression, tilting her head down slightly, letting maybe one or two tears run down her cheeks.

"and... it's all MY fault..." Ballad's voice shoke as more tears continued to fall down her face.

"No it's not..." the girl walked closer.

"It's THEIRS." she finished her quote.

Ballad turned to the girl, tears uncontrollably streaming down her face like a waterfall.

"b...but... h...how...?" Ballad asked, stuttering through her crying.

"The family... mom... the people... THEY DID THIS TO US!" the girl yelled.

Ballad was about to speak until the girl continued to yell.

"THINK ABOUT IT! She has left YOU and ME to rot! She left us to rot and let us die mentally. Now look at US. We're ruined... and it's all HER FAULT!"

Ballad stood still, with a somewhat stern but shocked expression, she was about to speak but the girl only continued to yell.

"IT WAS THEIR FAULT! When we asked mom for help, she NEVER gave it to us because she 'didn't believe us'. She left us to rot and die off mentally for ten solid years. Ten long years of suffering, six years of terrible mourning, and seven years of severe flashbacks and horrifying hallucinations. Dreaming of nothing but lifeless nightmares and being haunted by... a MONSTER. For MANY YEARS! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?! SHE IS SOMEWHAT OF THE REASON WHY WE LOST HIM! WHY WE LOST HER! And may I remind you how absolutely SELFISH they've ALL been on OUR BIRTHDAY?! THEY didn't care at all... THEY made us cry three years in a row. And this year mom made us cry SPECIFICALLY two days AFTER our birthday... doesn't THAT sound suspicious...? Don't you remember ALL that has happened?! Remember those arguments? Remember those fights? Remember mom just watching and doing nothing? Just telling us that somehow it was all OUR fault?! The bruises we'd get, the horrible names we were called, the swelling from the fights, being unable to walk for days, dragged, smacked, pushed, and even having our foot slammed on by the hard doors. ALL of them saying it was OUR fault. Remember when he'd leave you to starve? Remember when we wouldn't come home until 11... AT NIGHT?! Blaming ALL of it on us. Trying to make us look insane to try and convince other so called 'family members' to disbelieve our words! Locking us in our entire life, refusing to let us go. And forcing and dictating OUR LIVES when WE WENT TO HER GOD DAMN SCHOOLS AND WE WENT TO HER FUCKING CHURCHES AND WE WENT TO HER SHITTY PROJECTS AND SOCIAL GROUPS! NOW LOOK AT US! We suffer from the worst anxiety AND panic attacks known to fucking man! THAT is why WE were cowards. THAT is why YOU left HIM. Due to fear. Now it's thanks to THEM why WE WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN! When SHE died, WE ALL KNEW the cause! ALL OF US! EVEN GRANDMA!"

the girl was silenced by Ballad slightly.

"no... please..." Ballad didn't want to remember what happened to... HER.

The girl only continued to speak.

"NO! LISTEN TO ME! WE ALL HAD THE PROOF, WE COULD'VE THROWN THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS IN JAIL FOR TAKING HER AWAY FROM US! BUT MOM REFUSED! AND WHEN OUR BROTHER GOT HIS REVENGE HE WAS PUNISHED FOR IT! PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE BUT THOSE FOOLS AGREED WITH. FUCK! EVEN GRANDMA WAS CLOSE TO GETTING REVENGE! BUT MOM GOT IN OUR WAY! After we lost her... after ALL the trauma from losing her... We lost ourselves... we lost our mentality... for months... almost a year. AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF THEM! HER NOT TAKING ACTION! For so long... we couldn't tell what was real. And for three years... THREE LONG FUCKING YEARS... we've been mutilating ourselves. But since YOU are such a coward... WE'VE NEVER ENDED UP ENDING IT ALL! We have permanent scars all over our thighs, as a permanent reminder of all the heart ache we went through all these years. Suffering... from a MONSTER... a MONSTER that has existed longer we thought... NOW we are getting the treatment we need, but it's no God damn use... it's too late for us. Our mentality has gotten so bad to the point where we can't be saved. And look what happened recently! Our family basically raped our privacy and left it to cry in a corner... it was NOT our fault... it was THEIRS. ALL OF THEM. The rest of the family is just as bad... they've done the same exact thing... except... one of... no... FOUR members laughed at our pain. THE OTHERS LAUGHED, MOCKED, COMPARED! THEY HAD NO SYMPATHY! THEIR MONSTERS! THIS ENTIRE FAMILY IS MADE UP OF NOTHING BUT MONSTERS!"

The girl finished speaking, finally causing Ballad to "open her eyes".

Ballad went from crying to dry. She went from m0rose to stern. She was now convinced... well... she HAD been convinced for YEARS but denied it all... up until NOW.

Ballad looked down, this time with a careless expression. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"yes... you are right..." Ballad sighed deeply.

Ballad had noticed that her family was going grocery shopping, it was VERY easy to convince them to let her stay home alone... they didn't even wan't to look at her... and she didn't even wanna look at them, however, they said they were going shopping two towns far away from their own town. Which Ballad didn't seem to care about...

She watch the car drive away from her window and waiting until it comepletely gone out of sight.

Ballad put on her oldest and dirtiest shoes, torn pants, and an old torn up shirt as her "outfit" but decided to wear her favorite black coat. She had notice that it was beginning to rain.

Ballad purposely left her phone instead of bringing it along with her... her family hated her very much (at least for the moment) so why bother to keep in check? When she got outside... it was pouring... hard. She was getting somewhat soaked from the rain, but she didn't care at all. Her hands were in the shape of fists instead of them being in her pockets how she normally puts them. The girl was now walking next to her.

"What are you going to do?" the girl asked.

Ballad didn't reply, she only looked back at her with a scowl.

Ballad didn't pack the box cutter...

She brought along something... WORSE.

It was a large and very sharp pocket knife.

In silence, the two slowly walked to the next town, far away from home...

Ballad was planning on doing something...

WORSE.


End file.
